Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
