i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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