The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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