turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
