hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
