need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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