apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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