Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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