hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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