i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize