Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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