What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
