Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
