Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
