Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
