I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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