her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
