Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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