Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
false alarm, still single
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
