oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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