bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
