Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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