But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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