Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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