You smell like stripper and shame
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
