It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
