That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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