what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
