Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
