my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
