things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
