Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
