Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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