why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
