Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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