just tell him i said nine months
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
