my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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