Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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