she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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