if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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