this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
