He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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