you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
