If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize