i think i have herpe
just one?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
