Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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