Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
