You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You made out with two different species that night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
