so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I want a musical about memes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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