he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
