he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
