You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
