I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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