please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
