A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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