I'm sorry my penis didn't work
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
