I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
