As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
