Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
