If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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